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## Thursday, May 3, 2007

### Counterinsurgence

I found this photo and simply could not resist posting it. Try to guess what you are looking at? If you have a sufficiently dirty mind, you might guess that what you are looking at is somewhat phallic in nature. You're half right. The one on the right is the penis of a particular species of waterfowl, whose scientific name escapes me. Henceforth, I will refer to it as $DUCK_u$. The one on the left, strangely enough, is the corresponding vagina of the species. We'll call it, oh I don't know, $DUCK_me$.

I have never in my life seen a more perfect depiction of evolution in action. Seriously, what kind of depraved deity would do this on purpose? Most birds do not have protruding genitalia, but waterfowl are evidently among the 3% that retain that link with their reptilian ancestors. This peculiar happenstance has allowed them to engage in a sexual arms race resulting in the insanity above and give the word kinky a first rate double-entendre. Like all males, $DUCK_u$ only wants one thing, and he's not terribly polite about asking for it. As a defense against forced copulation, and knowing that no self-respecting male of any species will ever ask for directions, $DUCK_me$ developed a labyrinthine target, full of twists and turns, jug-handles and dead-ends. Without her cooperation their is no way $DUCK_u$ is getting his groove thing on. In retaliation, $DUCK_u$ developed his own advanced weaponry, which cockscrews around in a similar fashion.* This brand of sex game may explain why waterfowl tend to mate for life. Once you find the lock that fits your key, there's not much point in jamming it in to other doors.

*This is not a Freudian slip. I'm just feeling terribly juvenile.

#### 1 comment:

Andy said...

Those are some pretty nasty lookin' genitals right there.

Interestingly, I read in another Blog post that this may have inspired the character name of "Long Duk Dong" in Sixteen Candles. That John Hughes - what a clever pervert :)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sixteen_Candles